I wanted to share a link to Joshua Wolf Shenk’s article “What Makes Us Happy?” This article discussing a fascinating research study of 268 men that originally began in 1938. For the last 72 years “The Grant Study” has closely examined the lives of these men and examined factors that appeared to contribute to health, success, and mental well-being. In addition to the study, the article focused on the lead researcher, George Vaillant, whose own life is discussed in some detail and in parallel with study. While I encourage the reader to look at the article, here are a few highlights of the study:

1. Aging is easier and more enjoyable than most people predict. We are, as humans, very resilient.
2. Follow the usual guidelines of quitting smoking, don’t abuse alcohol, exercise, and maintain a healthy weight.
3. Education may be a better predictor of happiness than money.
4. While everyone has psychological defenses, there is a hierarchy of healthy and unhealthy defenses. Among the much healthier defenses are humor, altruism, anticipation and planning for possible challenges.
5. People who tend to their relationships are happier. Dr. Vaillant is quoted as saying, “Happiness is love.”
6. Focus on enjoying your life at this moment. As Dr. Vaillant suggests, “Enjoy where you are now.”

Today I was speaking with a friend who has a history of depression and he confided to me that his baseline state, despite medication, continues to be “melancholy.”  At this point he repeated a statement I’ve heard many times before in my work with clients, “Maybe I’m just a depressed person.”  People who have struggled with sadness and/or anxiety can easily conclude that depression is an ingrained and permanent part of their character.  Given the frequency in which I hear this question, I thought I’d take the time today to go over my usual response to this painful conclusion.

To cut to the chase:  I do not believe that anyone is intrinsically or permanently depressed.  There is no “depressed person” in my book.  That being said, there are certainly people who struggle with feelings of depression, sometimes for very long periods of time.  Also, there is no doubt that some people are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression than others, sometimes due to genetics or early childhood trauma.  And yet, despite these factors, I do not believe that depression is something that makes up a person’s character or personality.

Western and Buddhist psychology both agree that all emotions and thoughts are temporary.  One study suggested that any given emotion, if unsupported by related thoughts or stimuli, will only last for approximately 15 seconds before going away.  Unfortunately, once we start feelings something painful, such as sadness or  anxiety, it often leads to a snowball effect of additional depressed thoughts, which lead to depressed feelings, and on and on.   Our sense of self, for better or worse, frequently becomes overly identified with these transient and fluctuating thoughts and feelings.  However common, I believe it’s a mistake to confuse these fleeting feelings and thoughts as being a reflection of one’s true self.

Psychotherapy and meditation both help people learn to recognize their thoughts and feelings without this over-identification.  The good news is that when this skill is learned, folks general report a much greater sense of well-being.  Although there may continue to be frequent feelings of nervousness or sadness, people don’t get so caught inside of them.   Rather than identifying themselves with momentary emotions, they may identify themselves with more enduring values, such as being loving, compassionate, fair, or a hard worker.

If you are struggling with a sense of being a “depressed person” or “anxious person” I would encourage you to examine this more closely.  Try to adopt an open and non-judgmental curiosity about your own mind here:

• Of all the adjectives in world to describe your personality or character, does depressed and anxious describe you the best?  Are these the words that others would use to best describe you?
• If you no longer felt depressed or anxious, who would you be?  Would you lose your sense of self?
• Is there a difference between being a depressed person and being a person who feels depressed sometimes?
• Even if you are a “depressed person,” are there any other character traits that also accurately describe you?
• Who would you like to be?  What sort of things would that person do with his/her life?  Can you do one of those today?